Poof: You Are An Adult. Ending a Friendship

When you are a little girl you dream of the day you are a fabulous adult. Working in one of those big buildings, where you have an awesome office, the cutest wardrobe, the perfect hair and skin, the ability to eat everything yummy and never gain a pound, the perfect home (in the perfect shade of blush pink), and perfect relationships.

As you grow up you learn that you cannot have it all. You learn to pick a career, be serious, socialize and love only those people that matter, and above all you learn that every action truly does have a consequence.

One of the toughest parts about this entrance into adulthood is leaving people “behind”. I really struggle with this issue, but I realize more and more that you cannot take everyone with you on your journey, and although you want to share something because of the sheer length of time you have been in each others lives or maybe there are certain aspects of this person you really appreciate, there are other subjective negative aspects that severely outweigh the length of time and pleasant traits of this person. If this person lived near, it would make sense to connect every now and then and to make the effort to maintain the relationship, but if the person is far away, and every time you meet in real life the negatives seem overshadow the positives, you need to walk away.

What does walking away mean? I have learned that the hardest and easiest thing to do in life is to come up with black and white rules and stick with them. It’s hard, because your mind wants to analytically poke holes and give you subjective outs and create grey. It’s the easy thing to do, because if you just simply allow it to be black and white then you are free of trying to interpret the grey. To highlight using this method, you simply tell yourself: I am done with this person, I will not contact them, respond to their contact, and I will un-follow them on social media. By simply coming up with these incredibly tough rules and sticking with them you no longer have to constantly second guess yourself or your actions towards this specific person. You take a position & you stick with it.

What happens next? By taking a position and staying strong, you will soon realize that you are free of this person and the burdens they brought into your life. Freedom from any negativity, only means that more positivity can replace it if you are open to it! Take the time that you would have spent talking to  that individual and invest it in yourself, your family, your community, your other close friends or your work. Use one bad “relationship”, whether it be a friendship or serious relationship to catapult you to the next level, and as hard as this may sound never look back. If you find yourself even wanting to take a glance backwards, just remember that things were not always that rosy, and you do not need this person.

 

JOIN ME ON MY SERIES CALLED “POOF: YOU ARE AN ADULT!”  and feel free to suggest other topics to address! I loved writing the above, even though it’s a little lengthier than what most people would prefer!

 

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2 comments

  1. It’s been really hard to come to terms with this in some of my friendships, until more recently. It can’t be a one-way street. All we can do is reflect on the good times and move on so we don’t subject ourselves to anymore of the bad times.

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