Intimate Thoughts

It’s My Wedding & I Can Cry If I Want To.

The title does not really have much to do with my article, but for some reason the song is playing in my head, so I thought I would make a catchy title out of it.

Do most brides even cry? I did not cry, except for like the two seconds my dad came up and spoke some incoherent words, when mashed up together basically implied,  “I did not get to see my first two children grow up, because when they were babies I had an opportunity to come to America to pursue a better life for my family. So after 8 years a part, when I was finally able to bring them to this country,  I had my love child [Maheen] with my cute wife.  I knew I would get a chance to do things the right way and really be the best father I could be – and I am thankful for her for giving me that opportunity.”

OKAY YOU GUYS. I’m not a 100% SURE HE SAID, or even vaguely implied the thankful part, but I know he holds my childhood close to his heart. We went to Sea World and Chuck E. Cheese every single weekend – I mean I would have to be a dumb girl to NOT love my childhood. Did I mention he took me to Burger King and McDonald’s and would sit with me at the table, and just talk to me about my “life”.

I was between the ages of 3-7 years old. My life revolved around my cat, toys and cartoons. Thank you for listening to me Pappa!

OKAY THIS IS TURNING INTO A FATHER’S DAY POST, WHEN THAT’S NOT THE INTENT. The intent of this post is how when you are getting married so many people feel like it’s  “MY DAY” and I wanted to remind everyone, it is “your day”, but it is also your parents day, and, by proxy, your in-laws day too!

By recognizing that the day is shared, I think you can better understand why it is important for others to have a say, and why it is important to just be “chill” and “cooperative”.

Marriage for me was about me becoming a part of my husband’s family, and my husband becoming a part of my family. I have been blessed to have parents on both sides that understand this, and support this concept.

SO NOW- THE KICKER: THINGS DURING THE WEDDING PLANNING PROCESS AND ON YOUR WEDDING DAY ARE NOT GOING TO GO YOUR WAY. CALM DOWN. THINK ABOUT THE BIGGER PICTURE. BE CHILL.

Your wedding day is ONE DAY. Although, I do believe it should be a memorable day in the best of ways, I also VEHEMENTLY believe it should not be the BEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE. You have another (inshAllah) 50-70 years on this earth, this is one event, that will occur on one day for approximately 4 hours, which amounts to 240 minutes. Each minute will fly by and the event will end, however the relationships formed will last a lifetime.

By remembering how fleeting your wedding day is and how permanent the relationships are,  I feel like you will tread carefully when “bickering” or getting “mad” – because at the end of the day you want to make sure that YOU are the type of person that values a relationship, more than you value any color scheme or center piece. If you are not that type of person, then you really need to evaluate “who” you are and “what” really matters – and understand that if you cannot compromise on something as simple as a center piece, then you probably should not be getting married.

So when you are planning, think about 10 -15 things on your SUPER HARD TO COMPROMISE LIST. After figuring out what those things are it’ll be easier to be “flexible” on the other items, since you’ll know that when you first started the process you didn’t really care about all the other stuff, and if your mom or mother in law really wants  a certain arrangement or wants to work with a certain planner you’ll be fine and thankful that they got that detail covered!

The most important advice that I can give anyone planning a wedding is be open about your budget and respect your budget – do not be embarrassed about it. Anyone who makes you feel weird about your budget is either (i) immature, or (ii) should not be invited to your wedding. If there is something you REALLY WANT, I promise you can make it fit it into your budget if you get creative, or cut out dumb stuff. Lastly, there are better things to get a loan for— like for starters: a home, higher education, or saving that line of credit just in case you really need it in the future. Using it on your wedding is not a good look (and really low brow).

I would love to answer any all questions you may have – feel free to ask below! Also, I will be sharing this post on THE SHAADI SHOP’S BLOG. If you haven’t already, please  follow The Shaadi Shop  on Instagram at – https://www.instagram.com/theshaadishop/  !

 

 

 

 

 

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Happy New Year!

I have never really been into the new year. I never saw it as an opportunity to “change” I honestly just saw it as another day, but this year feels different. So very, very different.

Maybe because I am married? Maybe because I am realizing “THIS IS MY LIFE”, if I want to see changes in it, then I must change. I also want to make sure that if my time on this world goes by a little faster than expected (i.e. I die), that I was trying to better myself, and was proud of where I was going and how I was transforming.

I actually feel this strong obligation to make sure I am improving myself as a person. So I want to have seven themed goals, and every day of the week (Inshallah), I want to act on one of the themes. So what are my themes for each day:

On Mondays I want to act Intentionally.

On Tuesdays I want to make sure I have done just one act of Kindness.

On Wednesdays I want to make sure I am being kind to my Body.

On Thursdays I want to Connect with a friend.

On Fridays I want to make sure I make my husband feel Special.

On Saturdays I want to get Organized.

On Sundays I want to do an act of  Rest and Recharge spiritually.

In an ideal world I am able to act on all of my goals EVERY SINGLE DAY, but like all things in life, you have to start off slowly. So for me, making sure that I follow through with JUST one themed goal on any of the given day, is easy and from there, hopefully, incorporating the other goals will be effortless. I recently heard a beauty guru say something that I absolutely loved – she said, she just wants to compare herself to who she was yesterday and make sure she is improving herself to her yesterday self. #YasminKavari

I can do that – that is easy.

My theme for the year is my Monday theme – which is to “act intentionally“.

My professional goal this year is to be “detail oriented“.

Over the new few weeks, I’ll share about what each of the above mentioned themes mean to me, however in the meanwhile, I would LOVE to hear what your themes are for the new year!

Lots of love, light and happiness.

 

Poof. You are an Adult. Don’t Be Scared

Hi Friends,

I recently posted the following video:

Initially I was a little nervous about it  – thoughts like “What are you doing?”  and “You’re an attorney not a vlogger”  crossed my mind, along with other thoughts of colleagues stumbling upon it or random acquaintances tuning in-  but then I thought, I have always put myself out there, and this was NO exception. I have always wanted to do YouTube, but my own fears of what others would think seemed to ALWAYS hold me back. Just like this space, I have no idea if it will be dedicated to one aspect of my life, or will grow into something where I can experiment with my hobbies and interests.  We shall see. I hope that you will join me a long for the ride, and I hope that you will try something of your comfort zone soon too :).

Bye!

Poof: You Are An Adult. Ending a Friendship

When you are a little girl you dream of the day you are a fabulous adult. Working in one of those big buildings, where you have an awesome office, the cutest wardrobe, the perfect hair and skin, the ability to eat everything yummy and never gain a pound, the perfect home (in the perfect shade of blush pink), and perfect relationships.

As you grow up you learn that you cannot have it all. You learn to pick a career, be serious, socialize and love only those people that matter, and above all you learn that every action truly does have a consequence.

One of the toughest parts about this entrance into adulthood is leaving people “behind”. I really struggle with this issue, but I realize more and more that you cannot take everyone with you on your journey, and although you want to share something because of the sheer length of time you have been in each others lives or maybe there are certain aspects of this person you really appreciate, there are other subjective negative aspects that severely outweigh the length of time and pleasant traits of this person. If this person lived near, it would make sense to connect every now and then and to make the effort to maintain the relationship, but if the person is far away, and every time you meet in real life the negatives seem overshadow the positives, you need to walk away.

What does walking away mean? I have learned that the hardest and easiest thing to do in life is to come up with black and white rules and stick with them. It’s hard, because your mind wants to analytically poke holes and give you subjective outs and create grey. It’s the easy thing to do, because if you just simply allow it to be black and white then you are free of trying to interpret the grey. To highlight using this method, you simply tell yourself: I am done with this person, I will not contact them, respond to their contact, and I will un-follow them on social media. By simply coming up with these incredibly tough rules and sticking with them you no longer have to constantly second guess yourself or your actions towards this specific person. You take a position & you stick with it.

What happens next? By taking a position and staying strong, you will soon realize that you are free of this person and the burdens they brought into your life. Freedom from any negativity, only means that more positivity can replace it if you are open to it! Take the time that you would have spent talking to  that individual and invest it in yourself, your family, your community, your other close friends or your work. Use one bad “relationship”, whether it be a friendship or serious relationship to catapult you to the next level, and as hard as this may sound never look back. If you find yourself even wanting to take a glance backwards, just remember that things were not always that rosy, and you do not need this person.

 

JOIN ME ON MY SERIES CALLED “POOF: YOU ARE AN ADULT!”  and feel free to suggest other topics to address! I loved writing the above, even though it’s a little lengthier than what most people would prefer!

 

HI FRIENDS!

It has honestly been a minute since I last posted! I have a few important updates: I moved to Kansas City and I GOT MARRIED. Wild right?

I surprisingly really love Kansas City. I mean I will always be an ATLien, but Kansas City is one of those cities that is a hidden gem for the following reasons:

  1. It takes less than 30 minutes to get anywhere around town (more like 15-20 minutes – but saying thirty minutes since I had to drive across town to go to a girlfriend’s house and it took about 30 minutes).
  2. The rent prices are cheaper- ATL was about $300-$400 more for rent. Annual savings of about $4,800.00. Now who doesn’t like that??
  3. The food is yummy! The food in Atlanta is better simply because there are so many options, but for the limited options that are here, I would say KC isn’t doing that bad of a job.
  4. My husband is here 🙂

On that note, how did you meet your husband: I met the love of my life through a friend during the fall of 2015!  Something just clicked — I seemed to just enjoy talking to this guy for hours on end (and the whole time we were talking it felt like 15-20 mins, but then I’d look at the clock at it would read 1:00am). UMM WHERE DID THE TIME GO??? If you know me, I go to bed SUPER early, so this was different :).

The layers. I feel like getting to know him was like peeling an onion, so many layers, but each layer so awesome as the next. I couldn’t wait to tell friends and family members about him! He was awesome. Our families got involved and they took it from there.

It was EASY. Years from now when I tell my kids the story of how I met their father in more detail of course, I will tell them that being with him was EASY. I didn’t have to talk him into anything, change him, or wish I was different or he was different – I took him as he was and he did the same. I will tell them -we didn’t fight and each conversation and interaction was a loving one (granted we get into scuffles every now and but I can’t think of any “real” fights – THANK GOD).

Being married & what my relationship is like: It is great! I told my husband the other day, part of the problem of being so head over heels is that I cannot wait to come home to him and working big law means working big hours- LOL- I kid -my hours are not as bad as I thought they were going to be and this week especially as been awesome (hence the post).  Luckily, I married someone who supports me and my dreams, so he never complains or says anything about my hours. Rather, he encourages me take on more, wake up earlier and works by my side :).

Okay, I am writing all of this and he doesn’t even check my blog – since I put a DO NOT CHECK THIS SITE prohibition on him months ago, but if he does ever stop by I think he will be happy to see that I am happy to be his.

XOXO.

Law School Graduation

Hey Friends,

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I just graduated law school this past MONDAY! I cannot believe it. Wow. Although, academically, these were the toughest three years, personally they were the most influential. I came in as a girl, and I’m leaving a woman. I learned about fake friends, people who will do anything to get ahead, people who will be there for you when they have a million things going on, hard work/working SMART, having fun, cherishing the people that keep you sane, and protecting your health.

At times, I was incredibly skeptical about my education, but  I feel lucky to have gotten a Juris Doctor, since it affects the way I interact with the world, and allows me the ability to hone in on a multitude of conclusions that could occur.

If I had to go through law school again what would I do differently?

  • I finished law school on a strong note, so I wish from the get go, I made my own outlines or used others in conjunction with my notes, since that was something I failed to do as a 1L and relied heavily on commercial outlines and tabbing supplements.
  • I wish I wrote down most class discussions and case briefs that we discussed in class, as opposed to hopping on G-chat, and thinking that “I’ve read the case, so I know it.” I am human and I only have the ability to remember so much, without a trigger.
  • Developing a strong relationship with a professor in a field you like is something you should do very early on. By developing a relationship, you work harder to prove yourself, and they can also attempt to help you with your job search in the field.
  • Networked during my first year of law school. Networking is a such a vague term, so I will break it down for you in another post.
  • I wish I ran everyday, even for 5 minutes &  I wish I ate a light lunch. Eating a light lunch will enable you to be more productive during the day and not feel so sleepy.
  • I wish there was a way to avoid being addicted to coffee. My name is Maheen and I am addicted to coffee.
  • Respect and make time for my parents a  little bit more. I love them so much, and without them attending law school would not have been possible. They’re constantly love me, motivating me, and providing me with my lifestyle. I wish I sent them a few more thank you cards, a few more gifts, and a gave them a few extra minutes on the phone.
  • As far as my friends and special ones, I wish that I could keep a lid on my mouth when I was stressed. I often overreacted and said things that I regret. I love them to pieces and it would really break my heart if they thought I sincerely meant those rude things. I am an idiot sometimes, so working on managing my stress is something that I will actively work on as far as life goes.
  • (I’ll add to this list as I think of more things)

I hope you can learn from my mistakes. I have this little mantra that goes: if I can do it, so can you! I know that you can succeed in ANYTHING you do! Just work hard, I promise.

Bettering Yourself: Relationship With Your Parents

We spend a considerable amount of time in front of the mirror, perfecting our looks, assembling flattering outfits, and adorning our bodies with jewels, but sometimes it’s good to pause and think “Hey – why am I doing this?”

Are you doing it to gain confidence?

Are you doing it to just look normal?

Are you doing it because it’s the norm?

Why?

This thought just crossed my head as I was studying — I was thinking about how I need to spend more meaningful time with my parents. They’re not getting any younger, and right now is the time to develop a meaningful relationship with them. I love my parents & I had an ideal childhood, so  why do I find it a chore to talk to them sometimes? I feel bad for considering it a chore, or something on my list of things to do, since they truly mean the world to me and I would have debilitating pain if anything ever happened to them.

Relationships and style are about effort. Sometimes a great look is effortless, and sometimes a great relationship is too, but every now and then you need to spice up your routine, and same goes for  your relationship, and you need to put a little more effort in or switch up/spice up your routine.

I like the interplay between the two, because to a certain degree they both go hand in hand. If you rush your routine, you may not be happy with your result as you glance at yourself using your rear view mirror, and the same could be said with relationships, if you pay minimal attention to it and rush out the door — you may not get the same satisfaction in maintaining it or even having it.

Some techniques I’m going to do to make my conversations more meaningful and energetic:

  • bring a ton of energy in my voice when i’m speaking. “Hey!!!!! How are you guys!?!?! What is going on? What did you eat? OMG THAT SOUNDS AMAZING!!!”  lol you get my point.
  • I’m going to tell them a joke.
  •  I’m going to be an active listener.
  • I’m going to make sure we do not dwell on the phone.
  • I’m going to make sure we use the time constructively.
  • I’ll ask for advice. (everyone loves feeling needed, and feeling like they effortless help you out)

Being hundreds of miles from my parents makes it hard — but i know it’s possible with a few tricks and tips.  Do you have any tips or tricks? How do you keep your relationship with your parents meaningful?