Intimate Thoughts

THIS IS 30.

When I was in my late teens and early twenties I thought that by the time I was thirty I was going to just bleed fabulous. Multiple Chanel bags, a Ferrari (or at least a luxury car), my own house (exquisite yard with pool and guest house), a career that I was just a beast in (FYI this “career” was super flexible & fun and paid me a ton of money), a wonderful husband, a size 2, and if I had kids a day time nanny and night nurse.

OKAY THE REALITY IS (can I get a pencil drum roll people)… I am not a size 2, I own zero luxury bags, I currently live at home with my parents, I am currently pushing a Thrifty rental car,  my career is good (but constantly  still learning, falling and getting back up) and the thought of kids is scary (even though I know my biological clock is ticking).  I DID GET THE WONDERFUL HUSBAND. Thank God.

After reflecting on all of these things I thought I would have has indicators of success checked off my list by my 30th birthday, I realized that these weren’t accurate indicators for my success. I mean how many screwed up rich kids do you know that have all of these things? My point being, real indicators of success at the age of 30 just look so different. Well this is the case for me at least.

LUXURY GOODS. I realized that all though I did not have the multiple Chanel bags, I have paid off over $100,000.00 of my student loans within 4 years. WOW. I’m going to just give myself a pat on the back.

WORK. I persevered and did not quit when I was working a job that frankly was not a good fit for me. I am thankful that I am/was wise enough to understand how fortunate I was to have that job, since I learned so much about practicing law there and  obtained a new level of organization that being a great real estate attorney really requires. Also, I did meet a few wonderful people along the way that I plan to stay in touch with for the remainder of my career! Also, I’m at this point in my career, where I’m comfortable not knowing things, it’s not as scary. I have some ways to go before I am super confident, but hey -it’s why I am an associate and NOT a partner yet!

LOVE. I married the guy that I love, who also happens to be an amazing fit for me. Seriously, this could have gone south. Fortunately, all of the pieces just came together and everything was so easy.  I am forever indebted to God and the friends that set us up! Getting married to my husband was the  best decision for my life from a romantic and spiritual standpoint. I’m not sure what the future holds,  but I pray that it continues to bring my husband and I closer together and that we continue to support each other and motivate each other to excel in our faith, personal lives and careers.

FAMILY & FRIENDS. This is a weird one and not really something that I could have done, but I am thankful for my family and friends. Obviously, as you get older some people enter stage right and exit stage left. For the ones still on the stage, I am forever grateful and thankful. I am thankful that you are prospering, that you’re healthy and for the most part (besides having to occasionally slave away at work) you’re so happy and blessed! No one is having to skip meals because they are broke, and everyone is able to enjoy the finer things in life (what ever that may mean to them)!

THE CAR & HOME. Okay this goes with the first bullet point I made, but paying off my student loan is a priority for me. So waiting on getting my dream car and the house is fine. I have so many wonderful years ahead to snag these items. Even though I CURRENTLY live at home (which by the way, I low key love) I live in a pretty nice high-rise in Houston and I am so fortunate that I get to live there for a year! Saqib and I also share a car in Houston. I thought it would be tough, but it’s really not. Occasionally, I get to pick him up from work, and I love seeing him run out of the building and flail his arms! Also, sharing a car reminds me how fortunate I am to have married a guy that just goes with the flow.

Size 2. Okay I am not a size 2. More like a 4 or 6. I am super into it and own it. I’ll always want to lose a few pounds, it’s just the nature of being a girl. I’m just so THANKFUL my career involves my brain and not my looks. The older I get the more valuable I become professionally because of my brain – which is so much less stressful than being in a career or industry where as you age you become less valuable or attractive to future clients / employers.

KIDS.  I mean I still feel like a kid. I know I want kids, I just don’t currently have baby fever. I think that this is normal and one day when the time is right or if I accidentally just get pregnant it will be fine and everything will be wonderful since I have a great network of family and friends 🙂 .

I know the next ten years will have many ups and downs. I just need to remind myself that the ups eventually come and even in tough times remember to breath and be kind. J

OKAY SO THIS IS THIRTY. EXCITED ABOUT ALL OF THE FUN STUFF AHEAD GUYS. By the time I am forty I better have well behaved children, a yacht, a subscription service to fly private, and be featured on a few “magazines” or have a few publications praising my accomplishments in something! Also, I’d like to own numerous houses EVERYWHERE and enjoy this all while drinking Diet Coke with my handsome sweet world renown mohs surgeon husband. Inshallah. I pray that I will continue to have deeper and more meaningful relationships with my family and friends (who by the way are still healthy, happy and living large).  DREAM BIG OR GO HOME. Am I right?

LOVE ALWAYS MAHEEN.

It’s My Wedding & I Can Cry If I Want To.

The title does not really have much to do with my article, but for some reason the song is playing in my head, so I thought I would make a catchy title out of it.

Do most brides even cry? I did not cry, except for like the two seconds my dad came up and spoke some incoherent words, when mashed up together basically implied,  “I did not get to see my first two children grow up, because when they were babies I had an opportunity to come to America to pursue a better life for my family. So after 8 years a part, when I was finally able to bring them to this country,  I had my love child [Maheen] with my cute wife.  I knew I would get a chance to do things the right way and really be the best father I could be – and I am thankful for her for giving me that opportunity.”

OKAY YOU GUYS. I’m not a 100% SURE HE SAID, or even vaguely implied the thankful part, but I know he holds my childhood close to his heart. We went to Sea World and Chuck E. Cheese every single weekend – I mean I would have to be a dumb girl to NOT love my childhood. Did I mention he took me to Burger King and McDonald’s and would sit with me at the table, and just talk to me about my “life”.

I was between the ages of 3-7 years old. My life revolved around my cat, toys and cartoons. Thank you for listening to me Pappa!

OKAY THIS IS TURNING INTO A FATHER’S DAY POST, WHEN THAT’S NOT THE INTENT. The intent of this post is how when you are getting married so many people feel like it’s  “MY DAY” and I wanted to remind everyone, it is “your day”, but it is also your parents day, and, by proxy, your in-laws day too!

By recognizing that the day is shared, I think you can better understand why it is important for others to have a say, and why it is important to just be “chill” and “cooperative”.

Marriage for me was about me becoming a part of my husband’s family, and my husband becoming a part of my family. I have been blessed to have parents on both sides that understand this, and support this concept.

SO NOW- THE KICKER: THINGS DURING THE WEDDING PLANNING PROCESS AND ON YOUR WEDDING DAY ARE NOT GOING TO GO YOUR WAY. CALM DOWN. THINK ABOUT THE BIGGER PICTURE. BE CHILL.

Your wedding day is ONE DAY. Although, I do believe it should be a memorable day in the best of ways, I also VEHEMENTLY believe it should not be the BEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE. You have another (inshAllah) 50-70 years on this earth, this is one event, that will occur on one day for approximately 4 hours, which amounts to 240 minutes. Each minute will fly by and the event will end, however the relationships formed will last a lifetime.

By remembering how fleeting your wedding day is and how permanent the relationships are,  I feel like you will tread carefully when “bickering” or getting “mad” – because at the end of the day you want to make sure that YOU are the type of person that values a relationship, more than you value any color scheme or center piece. If you are not that type of person, then you really need to evaluate “who” you are and “what” really matters – and understand that if you cannot compromise on something as simple as a center piece, then you probably should not be getting married.

So when you are planning, think about 10 -15 things on your SUPER HARD TO COMPROMISE LIST. After figuring out what those things are it’ll be easier to be “flexible” on the other items, since you’ll know that when you first started the process you didn’t really care about all the other stuff, and if your mom or mother in law really wants  a certain arrangement or wants to work with a certain planner you’ll be fine and thankful that they got that detail covered!

The most important advice that I can give anyone planning a wedding is be open about your budget and respect your budget – do not be embarrassed about it. Anyone who makes you feel weird about your budget is either (i) immature, or (ii) should not be invited to your wedding. If there is something you REALLY WANT, I promise you can make it fit it into your budget if you get creative, or cut out dumb stuff. Lastly, there are better things to get a loan for— like for starters: a home, higher education, or saving that line of credit just in case you really need it in the future. Using it on your wedding is not a good look (and really low brow).

I would love to answer any all questions you may have – feel free to ask below! Also, I will be sharing this post on THE SHAADI SHOP’S BLOG. If you haven’t already, please  follow The Shaadi Shop  on Instagram at – https://www.instagram.com/theshaadishop/  !

 

 

 

 

 

Happy New Year!

I have never really been into the new year. I never saw it as an opportunity to “change” I honestly just saw it as another day, but this year feels different. So very, very different.

Maybe because I am married? Maybe because I am realizing “THIS IS MY LIFE”, if I want to see changes in it, then I must change. I also want to make sure that if my time on this world goes by a little faster than expected (i.e. I die), that I was trying to better myself, and was proud of where I was going and how I was transforming.

I actually feel this strong obligation to make sure I am improving myself as a person. So I want to have seven themed goals, and every day of the week (Inshallah), I want to act on one of the themes. So what are my themes for each day:

On Mondays I want to act Intentionally.

On Tuesdays I want to make sure I have done just one act of Kindness.

On Wednesdays I want to make sure I am being kind to my Body.

On Thursdays I want to Connect with a friend.

On Fridays I want to make sure I make my husband feel Special.

On Saturdays I want to get Organized.

On Sundays I want to do an act of  Rest and Recharge spiritually.

In an ideal world I am able to act on all of my goals EVERY SINGLE DAY, but like all things in life, you have to start off slowly. So for me, making sure that I follow through with JUST one themed goal on any of the given day, is easy and from there, hopefully, incorporating the other goals will be effortless. I recently heard a beauty guru say something that I absolutely loved – she said, she just wants to compare herself to who she was yesterday and make sure she is improving herself to her yesterday self. #YasminKavari

I can do that – that is easy.

My theme for the year is my Monday theme – which is to “act intentionally“.

My professional goal this year is to be “detail oriented“.

Over the new few weeks, I’ll share about what each of the above mentioned themes mean to me, however in the meanwhile, I would LOVE to hear what your themes are for the new year!

Lots of love, light and happiness.

 

Poof. You are an Adult. Don’t Be Scared

Hi Friends,

I recently posted the following video:

Initially I was a little nervous about it  – thoughts like “What are you doing?”  and “You’re an attorney not a vlogger”  crossed my mind, along with other thoughts of colleagues stumbling upon it or random acquaintances tuning in-  but then I thought, I have always put myself out there, and this was NO exception. I have always wanted to do YouTube, but my own fears of what others would think seemed to ALWAYS hold me back. Just like this space, I have no idea if it will be dedicated to one aspect of my life, or will grow into something where I can experiment with my hobbies and interests.  We shall see. I hope that you will join me a long for the ride, and I hope that you will try something of your comfort zone soon too :).

Bye!

Poof: You Are An Adult. Ending a Friendship

When you are a little girl you dream of the day you are a fabulous adult. Working in one of those big buildings, where you have an awesome office, the cutest wardrobe, the perfect hair and skin, the ability to eat everything yummy and never gain a pound, the perfect home (in the perfect shade of blush pink), and perfect relationships.

As you grow up you learn that you cannot have it all. You learn to pick a career, be serious, socialize and love only those people that matter, and above all you learn that every action truly does have a consequence.

One of the toughest parts about this entrance into adulthood is leaving people “behind”. I really struggle with this issue, but I realize more and more that you cannot take everyone with you on your journey, and although you want to share something because of the sheer length of time you have been in each others lives or maybe there are certain aspects of this person you really appreciate, there are other subjective negative aspects that severely outweigh the length of time and pleasant traits of this person. If this person lived near, it would make sense to connect every now and then and to make the effort to maintain the relationship, but if the person is far away, and every time you meet in real life the negatives seem overshadow the positives, you need to walk away.

What does walking away mean? I have learned that the hardest and easiest thing to do in life is to come up with black and white rules and stick with them. It’s hard, because your mind wants to analytically poke holes and give you subjective outs and create grey. It’s the easy thing to do, because if you just simply allow it to be black and white then you are free of trying to interpret the grey. To highlight using this method, you simply tell yourself: I am done with this person, I will not contact them, respond to their contact, and I will un-follow them on social media. By simply coming up with these incredibly tough rules and sticking with them you no longer have to constantly second guess yourself or your actions towards this specific person. You take a position & you stick with it.

What happens next? By taking a position and staying strong, you will soon realize that you are free of this person and the burdens they brought into your life. Freedom from any negativity, only means that more positivity can replace it if you are open to it! Take the time that you would have spent talking to  that individual and invest it in yourself, your family, your community, your other close friends or your work. Use one bad “relationship”, whether it be a friendship or serious relationship to catapult you to the next level, and as hard as this may sound never look back. If you find yourself even wanting to take a glance backwards, just remember that things were not always that rosy, and you do not need this person.

 

JOIN ME ON MY SERIES CALLED “POOF: YOU ARE AN ADULT!”  and feel free to suggest other topics to address! I loved writing the above, even though it’s a little lengthier than what most people would prefer!

 

HI FRIENDS!

It has honestly been a minute since I last posted! I have a few important updates: I moved to Kansas City and I GOT MARRIED. Wild right?

I surprisingly really love Kansas City. I mean I will always be an ATLien, but Kansas City is one of those cities that is a hidden gem for the following reasons:

  1. It takes less than 30 minutes to get anywhere around town (more like 15-20 minutes – but saying thirty minutes since I had to drive across town to go to a girlfriend’s house and it took about 30 minutes).
  2. The rent prices are cheaper- ATL was about $300-$400 more for rent. Annual savings of about $4,800.00. Now who doesn’t like that??
  3. The food is yummy! The food in Atlanta is better simply because there are so many options, but for the limited options that are here, I would say KC isn’t doing that bad of a job.
  4. My husband is here 🙂

On that note, how did you meet your husband: I met the love of my life through a friend during the fall of 2015!  Something just clicked — I seemed to just enjoy talking to this guy for hours on end (and the whole time we were talking it felt like 15-20 mins, but then I’d look at the clock at it would read 1:00am). UMM WHERE DID THE TIME GO??? If you know me, I go to bed SUPER early, so this was different :).

The layers. I feel like getting to know him was like peeling an onion, so many layers, but each layer so awesome as the next. I couldn’t wait to tell friends and family members about him! He was awesome. Our families got involved and they took it from there.

It was EASY. Years from now when I tell my kids the story of how I met their father in more detail of course, I will tell them that being with him was EASY. I didn’t have to talk him into anything, change him, or wish I was different or he was different – I took him as he was and he did the same. I will tell them -we didn’t fight and each conversation and interaction was a loving one (granted we get into scuffles every now and but I can’t think of any “real” fights – THANK GOD).

Being married & what my relationship is like: It is great! I told my husband the other day, part of the problem of being so head over heels is that I cannot wait to come home to him and working big law means working big hours- LOL- I kid -my hours are not as bad as I thought they were going to be and this week especially as been awesome (hence the post).  Luckily, I married someone who supports me and my dreams, so he never complains or says anything about my hours. Rather, he encourages me take on more, wake up earlier and works by my side :).

Okay, I am writing all of this and he doesn’t even check my blog – since I put a DO NOT CHECK THIS SITE prohibition on him months ago, but if he does ever stop by I think he will be happy to see that I am happy to be his.

XOXO.

Law School Graduation

Hey Friends,

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I just graduated law school this past MONDAY! I cannot believe it. Wow. Although, academically, these were the toughest three years, personally they were the most influential. I came in as a girl, and I’m leaving a woman. I learned about fake friends, people who will do anything to get ahead, people who will be there for you when they have a million things going on, hard work/working SMART, having fun, cherishing the people that keep you sane, and protecting your health.

At times, I was incredibly skeptical about my education, but  I feel lucky to have gotten a Juris Doctor, since it affects the way I interact with the world, and allows me the ability to hone in on a multitude of conclusions that could occur.

If I had to go through law school again what would I do differently?

  • I finished law school on a strong note, so I wish from the get go, I made my own outlines or used others in conjunction with my notes, since that was something I failed to do as a 1L and relied heavily on commercial outlines and tabbing supplements.
  • I wish I wrote down most class discussions and case briefs that we discussed in class, as opposed to hopping on G-chat, and thinking that “I’ve read the case, so I know it.” I am human and I only have the ability to remember so much, without a trigger.
  • Developing a strong relationship with a professor in a field you like is something you should do very early on. By developing a relationship, you work harder to prove yourself, and they can also attempt to help you with your job search in the field.
  • Networked during my first year of law school. Networking is a such a vague term, so I will break it down for you in another post.
  • I wish I ran everyday, even for 5 minutes &  I wish I ate a light lunch. Eating a light lunch will enable you to be more productive during the day and not feel so sleepy.
  • I wish there was a way to avoid being addicted to coffee. My name is Maheen and I am addicted to coffee.
  • Respect and make time for my parents a  little bit more. I love them so much, and without them attending law school would not have been possible. They’re constantly love me, motivating me, and providing me with my lifestyle. I wish I sent them a few more thank you cards, a few more gifts, and a gave them a few extra minutes on the phone.
  • As far as my friends and special ones, I wish that I could keep a lid on my mouth when I was stressed. I often overreacted and said things that I regret. I love them to pieces and it would really break my heart if they thought I sincerely meant those rude things. I am an idiot sometimes, so working on managing my stress is something that I will actively work on as far as life goes.
  • (I’ll add to this list as I think of more things)

I hope you can learn from my mistakes. I have this little mantra that goes: if I can do it, so can you! I know that you can succeed in ANYTHING you do! Just work hard, I promise.

Bettering Yourself: Relationship With Your Parents

We spend a considerable amount of time in front of the mirror, perfecting our looks, assembling flattering outfits, and adorning our bodies with jewels, but sometimes it’s good to pause and think “Hey – why am I doing this?”

Are you doing it to gain confidence?

Are you doing it to just look normal?

Are you doing it because it’s the norm?

Why?

This thought just crossed my head as I was studying — I was thinking about how I need to spend more meaningful time with my parents. They’re not getting any younger, and right now is the time to develop a meaningful relationship with them. I love my parents & I had an ideal childhood, so  why do I find it a chore to talk to them sometimes? I feel bad for considering it a chore, or something on my list of things to do, since they truly mean the world to me and I would have debilitating pain if anything ever happened to them.

Relationships and style are about effort. Sometimes a great look is effortless, and sometimes a great relationship is too, but every now and then you need to spice up your routine, and same goes for  your relationship, and you need to put a little more effort in or switch up/spice up your routine.

I like the interplay between the two, because to a certain degree they both go hand in hand. If you rush your routine, you may not be happy with your result as you glance at yourself using your rear view mirror, and the same could be said with relationships, if you pay minimal attention to it and rush out the door — you may not get the same satisfaction in maintaining it or even having it.

Some techniques I’m going to do to make my conversations more meaningful and energetic:

  • bring a ton of energy in my voice when i’m speaking. “Hey!!!!! How are you guys!?!?! What is going on? What did you eat? OMG THAT SOUNDS AMAZING!!!”  lol you get my point.
  • I’m going to tell them a joke.
  •  I’m going to be an active listener.
  • I’m going to make sure we do not dwell on the phone.
  • I’m going to make sure we use the time constructively.
  • I’ll ask for advice. (everyone loves feeling needed, and feeling like they effortless help you out)

Being hundreds of miles from my parents makes it hard — but i know it’s possible with a few tricks and tips.  Do you have any tips or tricks? How do you keep your relationship with your parents meaningful?

Dating: 11 tips to take it to the next level.

I’m NO pro at dating, but I do have a few fool-proof tricks up my sleeve. I would love to share them with you — so you can you snag “Mr. Right” and leave “Mr.  Okay-for-Right-Now”.

  1. If he loves you, likes you or is interested, he will make time for you.
  2. Don’t initially bombard him with texts and calls, keep it short and simple. You don’t want a cyber relationship– you want a REAL one: ditch the long texts or phone calls for hanging out in person, grabbing coffee together, or going for a stroll.
  3. Talk about outdoorsy activities that you enjoy — if he is paying attention, he’ll plan something around it on your next date because he knows that it’s a fail-proof date idea.
  4. Let him pay. You do not need to prove yourself — and you should always offer, but if he insists then let him. You want a partner who will take care of you — then it starts with this small gesture. You’re job is to look pretty and be good company. His job is to open doors, pick up the check , and be there ON time. After the third date, or even the second date you can pick up the dessert tab, pick up your lunch tab or make him something special!
  5. Take it slow, for the first two months. See each other once or twice a week, nothing more (this is what SLOW means)!
  6. Don’t act like your married  if you’re JUST dating or don’t act like he is your boyfriend when all you’ve done is go out on a date.
  7. If you’ve been hanging out for a while (one month or more) and you both really like each other or you like him, then ask him “where is this going?” or “what is going on between us” — it’ll definitely take courage, but if he says I don’t know or he wants to be friends, then the balls in your court. You can continue to hang out, cut him out or not feel guilty about meeting other people.
  8. Remember you’re single until he is actually your boyfriend & he is single until you’re actually his girlfriend: girls often get upset that this guy did them wrong, blah blah blah blah blah — my first question is: did he know the parameters of your relationship? “Ummm kinda, we didn’t talk about it — it was understood”  If this is your answer, then make it clear to him that this is what you thought, and ask why he didn’t think that? If you it’s a reasonable excuse, then set boundaries, so you know you’re on the same page, if it’s not a reasonable reason– LEAVE HIM. Don’t open the door again. Bye.
  9. Be simple. Don’t be demanding & don’t change his date ideas. Go along for the ride with a smile, and appreciate the time he put into planning the date!
  10. THE MOST IMPORTANT TIP: DO NOT BE A LAST MINUTE SORT OF GIRL.  You’re time is valuable and he should know that! He should plan his dates with you well in advance. For example, if he wants to go out on Friday, he should tell you by Tuesday! You want him actively thinking about you and your date through out the week, you want him to work for you and dwell on you.  As you date for a longer period of time, then it’s okay to do things on a last minute basis — because who does like the spontaneous girl!
  11. Be confident. You’re beautiful: inside and out. Don’t feel insecure  — think about how luck you are — there are girls that are being sold somewhere? People who find the internet to be a LUXURY, people  who have no one to use this tricks on! So trust me girl you’re lucky.  You have eyes to read this, and common sense to interpret it — TRUST ME. Be thankful, smile and “fake it till you make it.”

Perfume: Britney Spears and My collection!

Have you heard the new Britney Spears song:


I love this song! It’s incredibly on point. Do you remember not knowing what was going on in a relationship and you have to pretend to play it cool because you don’t want to seem like that crazy girl? Well in the song Britney Spears sticks it to this “girl” who may or may not be real! She says:

have you been thinking ’bout her or about me- And while I wait I put on my perfume, yeah I want it all over you -I gotta mark my territory

All of this perfume talk gets me thinking of my scents and how the smell lingers on my friends. I always have a few bottles of perfumes–so depending on my mood or the occasion I pick my scent! The three perfumes I currently own are:

  1. COCO MADEMOISELLE PARFUM ($115): Such a classic scent. I love it, it sticks on my clothes and can be detected as I pass through doors — and people always know the distinct smell of Coco!
  2. MARC JACOBS FRAGRANCE Daisy ($70): I wear this to school (almost) everyday! It’s fun and playful. I’m not sure if it sticks on my clothes? Definitely more floral and chic.
  3. RALPH LAUREN Ralph ($67.50): I use to wear this in college EVERY single day! I loved it i mainly use it when i want to appear fun or if i’m going out! i love the smell — I wouldn’t wear it to an interview, but i would wear it out  to dinner with friends or going to the mall!

I own the rollers versions of:

  1. RALPH LAUREN Ralph ($20)
  2. RALPH LAUREN Romance ($20)
  3. STELLA MCCARTNEY ($?)

I love roll-ons! They’re awesome — they fit perfectly in your purse and you can always smell great when things get a little hot and sweaty. Who doesn’t love a fresh smelling girl?