Life Advice

Poof. You Are an Adult: Embracing Minimalism

Hi Friends,

So during the months of October and November of 2016, I had the BIGGEST burden on my shoulders: I was packing my Atlanta life up and moving to Kansas City. As you know, moves are NEVER as simple or easy, but this move was a little trickier since I was moving from my very own 1 bedroom 1 bath condo to a 2 bedroom 2 bath condo.

My place. You’re probably wondering, “Whats the big deal? You now have another room and bathroom?” Although, the prior statement is true, the sheer size of my Atlanta place came with SO MUCH STORAGE SPACE. For example, I had a full size pantry, a walk-in closet, a linen closet, big bathroom with 6 pull out drawers, and a coat closet. Yup. I was cozy. Yup. I had filled everything up to the brim. Yup. I still used so many of those space bags for my seasonal clothes and linens.

His place. My husband’s place was nice. “Pent House” LOL. I mean it technically is the pent house, but by no means is it a pent house. It is just a regular unit in his building that is on the top floor. The view is great, the kitchen has an awesome large granite block to make preparing food and eating meals awesome and welcoming, we both have nice sized walk-in closets (same size as my old place) and we each have our own bathrooms. That being said, our bathrooms are super small, we don’t have the extra pantry or coat closet, and  both of the bedrooms are smaller. We use one room as the office and the other as our primary bedroom.

What’s the problem again? So the problem was/is that I had SO MUCH CRAP and I was keeping things for the sake of “keeping memories” or keeping clothes that I would “one day wear”.

Minimalism. One day out of know where it seems, along came this idea of cutting things down and minimalism. I probably stumbled across the idea of minimalism  when I Youtubed a de-cluttering my closet video, and then I became enthralled by them and needed to watch more and more. I, by no means, relinquished all of my goods, but I did let go of a SUBSTANTIAL amount of things.  It felt AWESOME.  Here is a list of reasons why I love MINIMALISM and why I hope you will embrace it as well:

  1. Unflattering. I have said this in a million other posts, but love those that love you, and get rid of those items that you do not love and that you do not love. What does this mean – it means, if you KNOW something in your closet is UNFLATTERING, then let it go.  Also, if something has bleach stains or holes in it let it go (super easy trick of initial letting things go).
  2. Commitment Phob Bag. If you are having issues letting go, get a nice brown bag or large plastic bag (even a garbage bag if you can’t find something that fits the bill for the earlier items) and place it in your closet. Go through your clothes that you haven’t worn in the past year or so, and literally put it in this bag, and tell yourself, that if you do not get it out of this bag within 6 months or a 12 months then you know its okay to donate.
  3. Declutter your closet. Declutter your life. When I was in college and later in life, and I always found the act of decluttering to be incredibly symbolic. When I faced tough situations in life (transitional phases), I would always clear out ANY AND ALL old reminders as a way for me to make room for new memories and new reminders. The process of letting it go physically, enabled me to let it go mentally.
  4. Be Selective. Next time you go shopping be INCREDIBLY selective about what you buy. I am SUPER into buying a few quality items (at a cost) that I will wear a 1,000 times, then buying a ton of cheap items that I will wear 3 times. I treat my clothes gently (AKA: cold water wash, hang dry, and only wash when needed). What is the point of having fast fashion & cheap items, when you only wear them a few times and then a month from now you’re like, “This doesn’t fit well”, or “After I washed it the items looks weird”. You’re better off buying something that LOOKS amazing on you, so that you know when you wear it you’ll look and feel your best.
  5. MAKEUP/SKIN CARE/HAIR CARE.  You do not need a million products. You don’t. Use what you have – FINISH IT ALL UP. Seriously – those dumb samples– just finish them – you don’t need to save them for a trip you’ll go on in 3 months and 3 days. If you do need the samples then, you can run out and grab them – but as for now finish your junk up. Also, MAKE UP PALETTES – I get that you want to own the latest palettes, but really think hard about the purchase before doing so. Like so many girls – I have enough palettes to where if any new palettes come – I could some how assemble it based off the palettes I’ve already purchased.  Make up goes bad – don’t do dumb impulse buys. JUST DON’T.
  6. Now that you have let stuff go. Don’t run to the store to fill up this space. Keep it empty. Did you know that the more stuff you have the more stress you feel. Keeping things simple, will allow you to be less stressed (its apparently proven). This is also great on your wallet too! I feel bad that I came to these realizations later in life, since I am pretty sure I could have saved my parents a nice chunk of change, had I come to this realization sooner.
  7. PRACTICE ALL OF THE ABOVE. You know, I don’t have the latest make-up products or the trendiest clothes, but I do have a staple camel colored cashmere vest that I love (and I will be wearing it 5 years from now), I have block heels that are comfortable and cute (I can wear them to work and out to a nice dinner), and I have the cutest quilted black bag (that will never go completely out of style). I am a classic girl (okay – some may say basic). Although, your counter may be, “I don’t want to be like everyone else” my rebuttal to you would be, “Your clothes are apart of your identity, and should not be your identity.”  You are so much more then the cotton, wool, cashmere, leather and polyester draped around your body, you have real thoughts and you can take real action – people should know you for your acts of kindness and generosity, and not the fact that you are sporting a cold-shoulder top this summer or will be showing some side-boob.  (DEUCES).

I have really enjoyed embracing minimalism. It is a lifestyle I am fortunate enough to choose. I know that if my husband and I ever fell on hard times, we would be fine and still look cute with all of our quality items

If you want to know more about minimalism, then feel free to check out the following YouTube videos:

  1. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGItVvYRKE4
  2. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t0dTdJTHTIk
  3. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TRClCeB_4ZQ

LOVE, PEACE & HAPPINESS,

Maheen

Poof: You Are An Adult. Ending a Friendship

When you are a little girl you dream of the day you are a fabulous adult. Working in one of those big buildings, where you have an awesome office, the cutest wardrobe, the perfect hair and skin, the ability to eat everything yummy and never gain a pound, the perfect home (in the perfect shade of blush pink), and perfect relationships.

As you grow up you learn that you cannot have it all. You learn to pick a career, be serious, socialize and love only those people that matter, and above all you learn that every action truly does have a consequence.

One of the toughest parts about this entrance into adulthood is leaving people “behind”. I really struggle with this issue, but I realize more and more that you cannot take everyone with you on your journey, and although you want to share something because of the sheer length of time you have been in each others lives or maybe there are certain aspects of this person you really appreciate, there are other subjective negative aspects that severely outweigh the length of time and pleasant traits of this person. If this person lived near, it would make sense to connect every now and then and to make the effort to maintain the relationship, but if the person is far away, and every time you meet in real life the negatives seem overshadow the positives, you need to walk away.

What does walking away mean? I have learned that the hardest and easiest thing to do in life is to come up with black and white rules and stick with them. It’s hard, because your mind wants to analytically poke holes and give you subjective outs and create grey. It’s the easy thing to do, because if you just simply allow it to be black and white then you are free of trying to interpret the grey. To highlight using this method, you simply tell yourself: I am done with this person, I will not contact them, respond to their contact, and I will un-follow them on social media. By simply coming up with these incredibly tough rules and sticking with them you no longer have to constantly second guess yourself or your actions towards this specific person. You take a position & you stick with it.

What happens next? By taking a position and staying strong, you will soon realize that you are free of this person and the burdens they brought into your life. Freedom from any negativity, only means that more positivity can replace it if you are open to it! Take the time that you would have spent talking to  that individual and invest it in yourself, your family, your community, your other close friends or your work. Use one bad “relationship”, whether it be a friendship or serious relationship to catapult you to the next level, and as hard as this may sound never look back. If you find yourself even wanting to take a glance backwards, just remember that things were not always that rosy, and you do not need this person.

 

JOIN ME ON MY SERIES CALLED “POOF: YOU ARE AN ADULT!”  and feel free to suggest other topics to address! I loved writing the above, even though it’s a little lengthier than what most people would prefer!

 

HI FRIENDS!

It has honestly been a minute since I last posted! I have a few important updates: I moved to Kansas City and I GOT MARRIED. Wild right?

I surprisingly really love Kansas City. I mean I will always be an ATLien, but Kansas City is one of those cities that is a hidden gem for the following reasons:

  1. It takes less than 30 minutes to get anywhere around town (more like 15-20 minutes – but saying thirty minutes since I had to drive across town to go to a girlfriend’s house and it took about 30 minutes).
  2. The rent prices are cheaper- ATL was about $300-$400 more for rent. Annual savings of about $4,800.00. Now who doesn’t like that??
  3. The food is yummy! The food in Atlanta is better simply because there are so many options, but for the limited options that are here, I would say KC isn’t doing that bad of a job.
  4. My husband is here 🙂

On that note, how did you meet your husband: I met the love of my life through a friend during the fall of 2015!  Something just clicked — I seemed to just enjoy talking to this guy for hours on end (and the whole time we were talking it felt like 15-20 mins, but then I’d look at the clock at it would read 1:00am). UMM WHERE DID THE TIME GO??? If you know me, I go to bed SUPER early, so this was different :).

The layers. I feel like getting to know him was like peeling an onion, so many layers, but each layer so awesome as the next. I couldn’t wait to tell friends and family members about him! He was awesome. Our families got involved and they took it from there.

It was EASY. Years from now when I tell my kids the story of how I met their father in more detail of course, I will tell them that being with him was EASY. I didn’t have to talk him into anything, change him, or wish I was different or he was different – I took him as he was and he did the same. I will tell them -we didn’t fight and each conversation and interaction was a loving one (granted we get into scuffles every now and but I can’t think of any “real” fights – THANK GOD).

Being married & what my relationship is like: It is great! I told my husband the other day, part of the problem of being so head over heels is that I cannot wait to come home to him and working big law means working big hours- LOL- I kid -my hours are not as bad as I thought they were going to be and this week especially as been awesome (hence the post).  Luckily, I married someone who supports me and my dreams, so he never complains or says anything about my hours. Rather, he encourages me take on more, wake up earlier and works by my side :).

Okay, I am writing all of this and he doesn’t even check my blog – since I put a DO NOT CHECK THIS SITE prohibition on him months ago, but if he does ever stop by I think he will be happy to see that I am happy to be his.

XOXO.

Designated Driver: My DD RANT

Hello Subscribers & Randoms,

It has been a HOT minute since I have been blogging, but I promise I’m back and will try to post more regularly, specifically on the weekends.

Unfortunately, I’m blogging for all the wrong reasons today, because today I’m going to just  RANT.

As most of you know, I’m Muslim and I choose not to consume alcohol or do drugs. Being the sober one out of a group of many means I always usually drive. I use to never think about it too much, since the perks of driving are great.  My friends and I get to arrive together, and I get the benefit of  leaving when I desire.  This does not mean everyone leaves when I want to, but I never have to worry about flagging down a taxi or waiting for someone to give me a ride, when all I want to do was go home and sleep!

When I initially got to law school I did not mind being the DD, but I unfortunately had this friend & another “friend’ who would always assume I would pick them up or drop them off, and it got UNDER MY SKIN. I would always ask or suggest  it to be polite, but she always seemed to accept my offer, and she never seemed to realize how inconvenient it was for me – or other things like gas I was consuming with countless trips to get her/drop her off (them off). The irony is when I stopped being DD, we stopped hanging out as much, I mean she made other friends as well, but the two did occur around the same time — we may have drifted because I was no longer her DD. I would hate to think our friendship for that period of time was based on me being a DD,  but it was a part of it.

She was also friends with another girl, who was just as inconsiderate as her. When we would be out late at night I would offer, but each time she would accept. I guess I offered each time, because I thought she was a girl and it was unsafe for her to ride in a taxi alone – so I too felt like it was warranted, but at the end I realized that they would never think about me, to the extent I thought about them, and frankly it’s annoying.

Do people ever realize that when I’m driving them around it is a liability? I could get into a wreck- damage my car, while they just got the benefit or burden of sympathizing with me for a few minutes. Did they ever think about my commute which was extended, due to their inconsiderateness – or that now I was going to be arriving back at home even later than anticipated? Hello – DRUNK DRIVERS.

I am sure they did not. Simple minds, cannot conjure deep thoughts.

Venting about it is not mature, but I am sure knowing you are not alone, is comforting. It is something that often comforts me when things go wrong, and knowing that I am not the only person who has to deal with tough situations. After being removed from the situation for about 2 years, current me  would tell former me to ask them to meet me at my place or express my concerns. Ask that I drive their cars instead. I would also request they Uber back home – it is relatively safe and they can text me when they arrive home.

I would tell my former self, no one will care about you like your parents or you. People will do what is easy for them – because it is self serving, and it’s okay to be SELFISH, because at the end of the day someone is going to be selfish, and I would rather it be me if it will protect me from potential bodily injury.

What do you think? Have you been in this situation?

Peace & Love.

Stressed Out? EMBRACE IT!

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My pretty little kitty is relaxing away, while the world around her is stressing out!

 I am sorry I have been so slack about writing, but my parents are moving to Stuttgart, Germany for a year! Although I am incredibly excited about their future adventures, there is a ton of chores and donations that need to be made prior to them leaving. I have been furiously packing, cleaning, and donating for the past few days.

On to more important things – a few days ago I read an AWESOME article in my Oprah Magazine (July 2014 issue).  The article was about stress & how to combat it and reframe it Navy SEAL style!   I thought I would share/summarize the four points in the article, since we can all learn a few things about combating stress.

  1. Prepare for Battle. Think about all of the possible outcomes of your stressful situation and how you would deal with them. For example, do you have a meeting with your boss tomorrow? What is the worse thing your boss could say? What could your boss say to make you feel uncomfortable? Prepare by coming up with a response, or telling yourself to stay silent and not make up excuses.
  2. Talk Yourself Up. Positive self talk is INCREDIBLY important. So you did not land the promotion – you’re still amazing – duh. You’re beautiful, confident, smart, hardworking and are really good at analyzing The Bachelorette (LOL). Make yourself laugh, and think about how you’re contributing positively to the world – (I see you recycling)!
  3. Embrace the Suck. THIS IS MY FAVORITE POINT.  I’m going to quote the article because it could not have been said in a better way: “‘When the weather is foul and nothing is going right, that’s when I think, Now we’re getting someplace!’ . . .the . . . suckiest moments are when most people give up; the resilient ones spot a golden opportunity to surpass their competitors . . .  ‘it’s one thing to be an excellent athlete when the conditions are perfect,’ . . . ‘But when the circumstances aren’t so favorable, those who have stronger wills are more likely to rise to victory.”
  4. Take a Deep Breath.  Breathe in four counts. Breathe out four counts.  It will calm you down, and allow you to open up to more intuitive thoughts! I love taking deep breaths. I learned that deep breathing can even help minimize pain –ladies remember to breathe when you’re getting all waxed up, or doing a difficult workout set at the gym.  Deep breathing works well when you can tell you’re feeling emotional too — and trust me I know this from first hand experience.

I hope you’re able to take away something from my small post & I hope next time you’re stressed out you tell yourself, “Bring it on!”

Talk to you later!