Life Advice

THIS IS 30.

When I was in my late teens and early twenties I thought that by the time I was thirty I was going to just bleed fabulous. Multiple Chanel bags, a Ferrari (or at least a luxury car), my own house (exquisite yard with pool and guest house), a career that I was just a beast in (FYI this “career” was super flexible & fun and paid me a ton of money), a wonderful husband, a size 2, and if I had kids a day time nanny and night nurse.

OKAY THE REALITY IS (can I get a pencil drum roll people)… I am not a size 2, I own zero luxury bags, I currently live at home with my parents, I am currently pushing a Thrifty rental car,  my career is good (but constantly  still learning, falling and getting back up) and the thought of kids is scary (even though I know my biological clock is ticking).  I DID GET THE WONDERFUL HUSBAND. Thank God.

After reflecting on all of these things I thought I would have has indicators of success checked off my list by my 30th birthday, I realized that these weren’t accurate indicators for my success. I mean how many screwed up rich kids do you know that have all of these things? My point being, real indicators of success at the age of 30 just look so different. Well this is the case for me at least.

LUXURY GOODS. I realized that all though I did not have the multiple Chanel bags, I have paid off over $100,000.00 of my student loans within 4 years. WOW. I’m going to just give myself a pat on the back.

WORK. I persevered and did not quit when I was working a job that frankly was not a good fit for me. I am thankful that I am/was wise enough to understand how fortunate I was to have that job, since I learned so much about practicing law there and  obtained a new level of organization that being a great real estate attorney really requires. Also, I did meet a few wonderful people along the way that I plan to stay in touch with for the remainder of my career! Also, I’m at this point in my career, where I’m comfortable not knowing things, it’s not as scary. I have some ways to go before I am super confident, but hey -it’s why I am an associate and NOT a partner yet!

LOVE. I married the guy that I love, who also happens to be an amazing fit for me. Seriously, this could have gone south. Fortunately, all of the pieces just came together and everything was so easy.  I am forever indebted to God and the friends that set us up! Getting married to my husband was the  best decision for my life from a romantic and spiritual standpoint. I’m not sure what the future holds,  but I pray that it continues to bring my husband and I closer together and that we continue to support each other and motivate each other to excel in our faith, personal lives and careers.

FAMILY & FRIENDS. This is a weird one and not really something that I could have done, but I am thankful for my family and friends. Obviously, as you get older some people enter stage right and exit stage left. For the ones still on the stage, I am forever grateful and thankful. I am thankful that you are prospering, that you’re healthy and for the most part (besides having to occasionally slave away at work) you’re so happy and blessed! No one is having to skip meals because they are broke, and everyone is able to enjoy the finer things in life (what ever that may mean to them)!

THE CAR & HOME. Okay this goes with the first bullet point I made, but paying off my student loan is a priority for me. So waiting on getting my dream car and the house is fine. I have so many wonderful years ahead to snag these items. Even though I CURRENTLY live at home (which by the way, I low key love) I live in a pretty nice high-rise in Houston and I am so fortunate that I get to live there for a year! Saqib and I also share a car in Houston. I thought it would be tough, but it’s really not. Occasionally, I get to pick him up from work, and I love seeing him run out of the building and flail his arms! Also, sharing a car reminds me how fortunate I am to have married a guy that just goes with the flow.

Size 2. Okay I am not a size 2. More like a 4 or 6. I am super into it and own it. I’ll always want to lose a few pounds, it’s just the nature of being a girl. I’m just so THANKFUL my career involves my brain and not my looks. The older I get the more valuable I become professionally because of my brain – which is so much less stressful than being in a career or industry where as you age you become less valuable or attractive to future clients / employers.

KIDS.  I mean I still feel like a kid. I know I want kids, I just don’t currently have baby fever. I think that this is normal and one day when the time is right or if I accidentally just get pregnant it will be fine and everything will be wonderful since I have a great network of family and friends 🙂 .

I know the next ten years will have many ups and downs. I just need to remind myself that the ups eventually come and even in tough times remember to breath and be kind. J

OKAY SO THIS IS THIRTY. EXCITED ABOUT ALL OF THE FUN STUFF AHEAD GUYS. By the time I am forty I better have well behaved children, a yacht, a subscription service to fly private, and be featured on a few “magazines” or have a few publications praising my accomplishments in something! Also, I’d like to own numerous houses EVERYWHERE and enjoy this all while drinking Diet Coke with my handsome sweet world renown mohs surgeon husband. Inshallah. I pray that I will continue to have deeper and more meaningful relationships with my family and friends (who by the way are still healthy, happy and living large).  DREAM BIG OR GO HOME. Am I right?

LOVE ALWAYS MAHEEN.

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It’s My Wedding & I Can Cry If I Want To.

The title does not really have much to do with my article, but for some reason the song is playing in my head, so I thought I would make a catchy title out of it.

Do most brides even cry? I did not cry, except for like the two seconds my dad came up and spoke some incoherent words, when mashed up together basically implied,  “I did not get to see my first two children grow up, because when they were babies I had an opportunity to come to America to pursue a better life for my family. So after 8 years a part, when I was finally able to bring them to this country,  I had my love child [Maheen] with my cute wife.  I knew I would get a chance to do things the right way and really be the best father I could be – and I am thankful for her for giving me that opportunity.”

OKAY YOU GUYS. I’m not a 100% SURE HE SAID, or even vaguely implied the thankful part, but I know he holds my childhood close to his heart. We went to Sea World and Chuck E. Cheese every single weekend – I mean I would have to be a dumb girl to NOT love my childhood. Did I mention he took me to Burger King and McDonald’s and would sit with me at the table, and just talk to me about my “life”.

I was between the ages of 3-7 years old. My life revolved around my cat, toys and cartoons. Thank you for listening to me Pappa!

OKAY THIS IS TURNING INTO A FATHER’S DAY POST, WHEN THAT’S NOT THE INTENT. The intent of this post is how when you are getting married so many people feel like it’s  “MY DAY” and I wanted to remind everyone, it is “your day”, but it is also your parents day, and, by proxy, your in-laws day too!

By recognizing that the day is shared, I think you can better understand why it is important for others to have a say, and why it is important to just be “chill” and “cooperative”.

Marriage for me was about me becoming a part of my husband’s family, and my husband becoming a part of my family. I have been blessed to have parents on both sides that understand this, and support this concept.

SO NOW- THE KICKER: THINGS DURING THE WEDDING PLANNING PROCESS AND ON YOUR WEDDING DAY ARE NOT GOING TO GO YOUR WAY. CALM DOWN. THINK ABOUT THE BIGGER PICTURE. BE CHILL.

Your wedding day is ONE DAY. Although, I do believe it should be a memorable day in the best of ways, I also VEHEMENTLY believe it should not be the BEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE. You have another (inshAllah) 50-70 years on this earth, this is one event, that will occur on one day for approximately 4 hours, which amounts to 240 minutes. Each minute will fly by and the event will end, however the relationships formed will last a lifetime.

By remembering how fleeting your wedding day is and how permanent the relationships are,  I feel like you will tread carefully when “bickering” or getting “mad” – because at the end of the day you want to make sure that YOU are the type of person that values a relationship, more than you value any color scheme or center piece. If you are not that type of person, then you really need to evaluate “who” you are and “what” really matters – and understand that if you cannot compromise on something as simple as a center piece, then you probably should not be getting married.

So when you are planning, think about 10 -15 things on your SUPER HARD TO COMPROMISE LIST. After figuring out what those things are it’ll be easier to be “flexible” on the other items, since you’ll know that when you first started the process you didn’t really care about all the other stuff, and if your mom or mother in law really wants  a certain arrangement or wants to work with a certain planner you’ll be fine and thankful that they got that detail covered!

The most important advice that I can give anyone planning a wedding is be open about your budget and respect your budget – do not be embarrassed about it. Anyone who makes you feel weird about your budget is either (i) immature, or (ii) should not be invited to your wedding. If there is something you REALLY WANT, I promise you can make it fit it into your budget if you get creative, or cut out dumb stuff. Lastly, there are better things to get a loan for— like for starters: a home, higher education, or saving that line of credit just in case you really need it in the future. Using it on your wedding is not a good look (and really low brow).

I would love to answer any all questions you may have – feel free to ask below! Also, I will be sharing this post on THE SHAADI SHOP’S BLOG. If you haven’t already, please  follow The Shaadi Shop  on Instagram at – https://www.instagram.com/theshaadishop/  !

 

 

 

 

 

Happy New Year!

I have never really been into the new year. I never saw it as an opportunity to “change” I honestly just saw it as another day, but this year feels different. So very, very different.

Maybe because I am married? Maybe because I am realizing “THIS IS MY LIFE”, if I want to see changes in it, then I must change. I also want to make sure that if my time on this world goes by a little faster than expected (i.e. I die), that I was trying to better myself, and was proud of where I was going and how I was transforming.

I actually feel this strong obligation to make sure I am improving myself as a person. So I want to have seven themed goals, and every day of the week (Inshallah), I want to act on one of the themes. So what are my themes for each day:

On Mondays I want to act Intentionally.

On Tuesdays I want to make sure I have done just one act of Kindness.

On Wednesdays I want to make sure I am being kind to my Body.

On Thursdays I want to Connect with a friend.

On Fridays I want to make sure I make my husband feel Special.

On Saturdays I want to get Organized.

On Sundays I want to do an act of  Rest and Recharge spiritually.

In an ideal world I am able to act on all of my goals EVERY SINGLE DAY, but like all things in life, you have to start off slowly. So for me, making sure that I follow through with JUST one themed goal on any of the given day, is easy and from there, hopefully, incorporating the other goals will be effortless. I recently heard a beauty guru say something that I absolutely loved – she said, she just wants to compare herself to who she was yesterday and make sure she is improving herself to her yesterday self. #YasminKavari

I can do that – that is easy.

My theme for the year is my Monday theme – which is to “act intentionally“.

My professional goal this year is to be “detail oriented“.

Over the new few weeks, I’ll share about what each of the above mentioned themes mean to me, however in the meanwhile, I would LOVE to hear what your themes are for the new year!

Lots of love, light and happiness.

 

Is Your Mother Wise?

At a SUPER young age, I was taught, told or understood the value of telling my mom important details of my life. I guess, I truly believe she has my best interest, and there is no one one in the world who will love me, sacrifice their needs over mine, or genuinely pray for my happiness more than my mom.

I was talking to my friend Summar last night about how I am one of those kids who is an over sharer, and I told her, I guess it stemmed from my mom telling me this story of one of her sisters. One of my mom’s sisters has just had a tougher time than my mom, and my mom attributes it to her not being candid with my grandparents. My mom says, she could have been spared from tough moments that happened in her life had she just been candid with her parents and asked for advice.  My mom really holds my grandfather in high-esteem, and she trusted his judgment and truly believed the advice he would give would only be to help his child and that he would consider all of the facts (my grandfather was a small town attorney- so, I too believe that his advice would have been well reasoned).

After talking to my friend Summar,  I can definitely think of people in my life (and even my own mom) who sometimes had a biased view on things.  I listen to my mom and share a lot with her, but for some reason, I believe I have the ability to weed out the dumb stuff she says. For example, I have gained a few pounds after getting married, my sweet mother has told me on multiple occasions that this is a biological thing and it happens to women after they get married. LOLOLOLOL. Sorry, its so ridiculous that  I have to laugh. I am fairly sure she is being serious. I know that I’ve packed on a few pounds because I have been making HORRIBLE decisions food wise. I’m not mad or sad about it – my body is a product and reflection of my decisions.

Enough about my body & back to my mom. Okay, so then it occurred to me, I really wanted to write a piece on how I weigh my mom’s advice and how I decide to use it or ignore it.

  1.  Every decision I make is my own. Even if my mother provides guidance on something that I have solicited guidance on – I make sure to understand that I have to OWN the decision I make. If she provides me dumb advice and I take it, then it’s on me – it’s not on her. For example, before I got married I really wanted to buy this really beautiful diamond necklace it was 3 ctws and so beautiful. I consulted with my mother, who agreed it was a good idea, but LUCKILY when I went to place the order for it, they didn’t have it readily available and the next few days when I pondered the purchase – I realized it was a dumb idea. I do not need diamonds now, I needed to pay off my student loans.
  2.  When your parents provide unsolicited guidance, question the motive behind it. My mom wasn’t into my brother moving to NYC, but, nonetheless, he did. Her reason for holding him back was based off of her own fear of being lonely without him and she wasn’t really thinking about him, she was thinking about herself. Parents are human, and sometimes, you need to remember that like all humans, they will have their best interest in mind, and might not understand how your actions are serving YOUR best interest. Weighing the two interests is something you need to do on your own.
  3. When you parents try to meddle. Say “No”. I trust that my mom would never meddle. She provides me guidance, and, has never taken my personal battle with someone as her own personal battle. I used to really dislike it, especially when I would get into scuffles with siblings, cousins or a specific uncle, but, now as a young woman, I really value her decision not to do so. You know the saying, “Too many chefs in the kitchen, spoil the broth” I think problem solving is similar. It is okay to ask people to reflect on the issue with you and to hear different thoughts on it, but at the end of the day,  the issue you have with someone is between you and them and you do not need to drag in a third person, or have a third person speak for you, unless you are paying them and they are your attorney.
  4. Reflect on your parents lives. Do you view your parents as successful? Do you see them holding good and positive relationships in their lives? Are your parents happy? I have a feeling if they are happy  and if they are happy in their marriage & with their other relationships (friends and family) and are, in your opinion, living a good life – then you should trust their judgment for tough things and really give their opinion some extra weight when they tell you to not do things/ do things. They have done something right to maintain happy relationships with those they love, & the advice they give you will come from past experiences that obviously lead to a past positive result.

I am sure you know bad advice when you see it, but the above are just a few things to consider next time your mom, or anyone that is important to you, provides you guidance. I hope it is helpful and allows you to obtain some perspective.

Peace, love and happiness.

Poof. You are an Adult: Dealing with Unpleasant People

Everyone is kind and pleasant. Right? When you grow up and think about becoming an adult, you get this false sense that everyone around you will act kindly, be pleasant, and put in their fair share of effort. As you enter the work force, most people are like this – they are helpful, kind and pleasant. However, every now and then you may encounter a thorn in your dozen roses.

Just like a thorn on a rose – you don’t throw the rose away, you just deal with it. Dealing with this unpleasant person is tough. Trust me I get it. Dealing with the issue is even tougher. It’s tough because you don’t want to seem like one of those people that is constantly complaining, or seem too sensitive, and as a woman, I have this incessant need to be liked by everyone (do people like to be disliked??), but I have learned a few things that will hopefully help you:

  1. Sometimes it is in your head. Sometimes you may think someone is acting a certain way towards you, because you are projecting your own insecurities on this person. You’re fine. The preson is fine. The thorn is actually a budding flower.
  2. Who CARES? Who cares if this person does not like you? Who cares? Let it go, and just understand that you do not like everyone and everyone will not like you. I do not like President Trump, and, frankly I am sure if he saw a picture of me, he would not like me either, but who cares – sometimes you just have to say this a million times to yourself. The “WHO CARES”  mantra should be amplified when this thorn of a person does not impact your ability to move up the ladder (i.e. if you are a doctor and a particular nurse is annoying or you’re a manager and one of your technicians isn’t that pleasant or upbeat).
  3. Tough Conversations. Sometimes it is a good idea to have tough conversations. These conversations should not be a hostile thing, and you should go into them with a positive attitude and with you knowing your faults prior to the conversation so you can hear and acknowledge the other persons issues and not be caught off guard or feel SUPER defensive when they are brought up. You should also have a plan or a rough idea of things this person and you can do to make the experience better for one another and to alleviate any potential issue that could arise in the future.
  4. Quarantine. This goes along with the “Who Cares?” point, but sometimes the best method of this is coming to terms with it, acknowledging it, and then telling yourself to limit your interaction with this individual. For example, no need for small talk -pleasantries like “Hi”& “Hello” are sufficient. Smile and head on over to your desk. After a few weeks of this, you’ll be numb to this person and their energy and it won’t bog you down!
  5. Make a Friend. Make an office friend. Seriously. Did you know that making one good friend in the office makes your experience at work 50% better. REPEAT: 50% BETTER. You can even confide about that annoyingly rude co-worker with your work friend – and one day you’ll be thankful for the the annoyingly rude co-worker that provides all of the laughs between you and your work best friend!
  6. The six (6) – Twelve (12) Month Rule. Although, I’ve been fortunate enough to never come close to encountering this rule, I imagine, if this person is your boss/supervisor, you can’t necessarily use the “Who Cares” method or the quarantine method, however you can stick it out for 6 – 12 months, reassess the situation and then jump ship. Just remember to always be kind & professional, because this person will be apart of your resume and does have the ability to say something unkind about you and this persons words can impact your future. Prior to jumping ship, obviously line up another job – but this time when you’re selecting your job, assess the environment and the people a little more carefully. LOL
  7. Kind. Kind. Kind. I get it. You’re sick of me saying “Kind” but ALWAYS REMEMBER TO NOT LET THIS PERSON CONTROL YOUR DAY, YOUR EMOTIONS OR YOUR THOUGHTS. You are such a wonderful person, and just because someone isn’t acting to the degree or standard of kindness that you would like them to, doesn’t give YOU THE RIGHT TO BE RUDE or to act like them. You should not let it impact your identity and who YOU are. You are above the situation and them, so act accordingly.
  8. REMEMBER. Use these unpleasant experiences to shape and monitor the way you act and react. When you are in a position of authority and one day you have a young associate or medical student, remember what it was like to be in their shoes, reflect on it and act accordingly – treat them like you would have wanted to be treated.

I hope my tips and tricks are helpful. The work place is a much better place to be when everyone is professional, plays nice, is friends and laughs. It makes waking up in the morning a little easier and makes the day go by faster. Good luck with everything friends!

Peace, Love & Laughter 🙂

JOIN ME ON MY SERIES CALLED “POOF: YOU ARE AN ADULT!”  and feel free to suggest other topics to address! I loved writing the above, even though it’s a little lengthier than what most people would prefer!

Poof. You Are an Adult: Embracing Minimalism

Hi Friends,

So during the months of October and November of 2016, I had the BIGGEST burden on my shoulders: I was packing my Atlanta life up and moving to Kansas City. As you know, moves are NEVER as simple or easy, but this move was a little trickier since I was moving from my very own 1 bedroom 1 bath condo to a 2 bedroom 2 bath condo.

My place. You’re probably wondering, “Whats the big deal? You now have another room and bathroom?” Although, the prior statement is true, the sheer size of my Atlanta place came with SO MUCH STORAGE SPACE. For example, I had a full size pantry, a walk-in closet, a linen closet, big bathroom with 6 pull out drawers, and a coat closet. Yup. I was cozy. Yup. I had filled everything up to the brim. Yup. I still used so many of those space bags for my seasonal clothes and linens.

His place. My husband’s place was nice. “Pent House” LOL. I mean it technically is the pent house, but by no means is it a pent house. It is just a regular unit in his building that is on the top floor. The view is great, the kitchen has an awesome large granite block to make preparing food and eating meals awesome and welcoming, we both have nice sized walk-in closets (same size as my old place) and we each have our own bathrooms. That being said, our bathrooms are super small, we don’t have the extra pantry or coat closet, and  both of the bedrooms are smaller. We use one room as the office and the other as our primary bedroom.

What’s the problem again? So the problem was/is that I had SO MUCH CRAP and I was keeping things for the sake of “keeping memories” or keeping clothes that I would “one day wear”.

Minimalism. One day out of know where it seems, along came this idea of cutting things down and minimalism. I probably stumbled across the idea of minimalism  when I Youtubed a de-cluttering my closet video, and then I became enthralled by them and needed to watch more and more. I, by no means, relinquished all of my goods, but I did let go of a SUBSTANTIAL amount of things.  It felt AWESOME.  Here is a list of reasons why I love MINIMALISM and why I hope you will embrace it as well:

  1. Unflattering. I have said this in a million other posts, but love those that love you, and get rid of those items that you do not love and that you do not love. What does this mean – it means, if you KNOW something in your closet is UNFLATTERING, then let it go.  Also, if something has bleach stains or holes in it let it go (super easy trick of initial letting things go).
  2. Commitment Phob Bag. If you are having issues letting go, get a nice brown bag or large plastic bag (even a garbage bag if you can’t find something that fits the bill for the earlier items) and place it in your closet. Go through your clothes that you haven’t worn in the past year or so, and literally put it in this bag, and tell yourself, that if you do not get it out of this bag within 6 months or a 12 months then you know its okay to donate.
  3. Declutter your closet. Declutter your life. When I was in college and later in life, and I always found the act of decluttering to be incredibly symbolic. When I faced tough situations in life (transitional phases), I would always clear out ANY AND ALL old reminders as a way for me to make room for new memories and new reminders. The process of letting it go physically, enabled me to let it go mentally.
  4. Be Selective. Next time you go shopping be INCREDIBLY selective about what you buy. I am SUPER into buying a few quality items (at a cost) that I will wear a 1,000 times, then buying a ton of cheap items that I will wear 3 times. I treat my clothes gently (AKA: cold water wash, hang dry, and only wash when needed). What is the point of having fast fashion & cheap items, when you only wear them a few times and then a month from now you’re like, “This doesn’t fit well”, or “After I washed it the items looks weird”. You’re better off buying something that LOOKS amazing on you, so that you know when you wear it you’ll look and feel your best.
  5. MAKEUP/SKIN CARE/HAIR CARE.  You do not need a million products. You don’t. Use what you have – FINISH IT ALL UP. Seriously – those dumb samples– just finish them – you don’t need to save them for a trip you’ll go on in 3 months and 3 days. If you do need the samples then, you can run out and grab them – but as for now finish your junk up. Also, MAKE UP PALETTES – I get that you want to own the latest palettes, but really think hard about the purchase before doing so. Like so many girls – I have enough palettes to where if any new palettes come – I could some how assemble it based off the palettes I’ve already purchased.  Make up goes bad – don’t do dumb impulse buys. JUST DON’T.
  6. Now that you have let stuff go. Don’t run to the store to fill up this space. Keep it empty. Did you know that the more stuff you have the more stress you feel. Keeping things simple, will allow you to be less stressed (its apparently proven). This is also great on your wallet too! I feel bad that I came to these realizations later in life, since I am pretty sure I could have saved my parents a nice chunk of change, had I come to this realization sooner.
  7. PRACTICE ALL OF THE ABOVE. You know, I don’t have the latest make-up products or the trendiest clothes, but I do have a staple camel colored cashmere vest that I love (and I will be wearing it 5 years from now), I have block heels that are comfortable and cute (I can wear them to work and out to a nice dinner), and I have the cutest quilted black bag (that will never go completely out of style). I am a classic girl (okay – some may say basic). Although, your counter may be, “I don’t want to be like everyone else” my rebuttal to you would be, “Your clothes are apart of your identity, and should not be your identity.”  You are so much more then the cotton, wool, cashmere, leather and polyester draped around your body, you have real thoughts and you can take real action – people should know you for your acts of kindness and generosity, and not the fact that you are sporting a cold-shoulder top this summer or will be showing some side-boob.  (DEUCES).

I have really enjoyed embracing minimalism. It is a lifestyle I am fortunate enough to choose. I know that if my husband and I ever fell on hard times, we would be fine and still look cute with all of our quality items

If you want to know more about minimalism, then feel free to check out the following YouTube videos:

  1. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGItVvYRKE4
  2. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t0dTdJTHTIk
  3. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TRClCeB_4ZQ

LOVE, PEACE & HAPPINESS,

Maheen

Poof: You Are An Adult. Ending a Friendship

When you are a little girl you dream of the day you are a fabulous adult. Working in one of those big buildings, where you have an awesome office, the cutest wardrobe, the perfect hair and skin, the ability to eat everything yummy and never gain a pound, the perfect home (in the perfect shade of blush pink), and perfect relationships.

As you grow up you learn that you cannot have it all. You learn to pick a career, be serious, socialize and love only those people that matter, and above all you learn that every action truly does have a consequence.

One of the toughest parts about this entrance into adulthood is leaving people “behind”. I really struggle with this issue, but I realize more and more that you cannot take everyone with you on your journey, and although you want to share something because of the sheer length of time you have been in each others lives or maybe there are certain aspects of this person you really appreciate, there are other subjective negative aspects that severely outweigh the length of time and pleasant traits of this person. If this person lived near, it would make sense to connect every now and then and to make the effort to maintain the relationship, but if the person is far away, and every time you meet in real life the negatives seem overshadow the positives, you need to walk away.

What does walking away mean? I have learned that the hardest and easiest thing to do in life is to come up with black and white rules and stick with them. It’s hard, because your mind wants to analytically poke holes and give you subjective outs and create grey. It’s the easy thing to do, because if you just simply allow it to be black and white then you are free of trying to interpret the grey. To highlight using this method, you simply tell yourself: I am done with this person, I will not contact them, respond to their contact, and I will un-follow them on social media. By simply coming up with these incredibly tough rules and sticking with them you no longer have to constantly second guess yourself or your actions towards this specific person. You take a position & you stick with it.

What happens next? By taking a position and staying strong, you will soon realize that you are free of this person and the burdens they brought into your life. Freedom from any negativity, only means that more positivity can replace it if you are open to it! Take the time that you would have spent talking to  that individual and invest it in yourself, your family, your community, your other close friends or your work. Use one bad “relationship”, whether it be a friendship or serious relationship to catapult you to the next level, and as hard as this may sound never look back. If you find yourself even wanting to take a glance backwards, just remember that things were not always that rosy, and you do not need this person.

 

JOIN ME ON MY SERIES CALLED “POOF: YOU ARE AN ADULT!”  and feel free to suggest other topics to address! I loved writing the above, even though it’s a little lengthier than what most people would prefer!