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Thrifty Couple Alert

I’m a young associate and my husband is a resident. For some reason, my husband and I live like we are both college students with AN INCREDIBLY LIMITED BUDGET. We really do not have to live this way, but we do it (subconsciously I think) to pay off my student loans ASAP. This thriftiness has lead to a TON of funny stories of schemes we try to run with coupons, Ebates, repairs and making things last.

I know one day we will have a lot, or at least not have student loans and will have the OPTION to do a lot without feeling guilty, and I hope we can remember these “simple days” of a washing machine that only emits SCORCHING hot water on all the water temperature modes. In an effort obtain “warm” water, I throw a ton of ice cubes into the washing machine. The quality of the wash has ruined a few of my clothes since it seems to leave a HEAVY lint/calcium deposit lines on my clothes (which actually causes me a TON of rage), but today the BEST THING happened.

Back story: My sweet, sweet, sweet husband’s had to purchase new underwear due to the fact that scorching hot water has been doing a number on the elastic band on his underwear.

Present Day:  Today I got a text from my husband, his underwear has apparently been falling under his scrubs. LOLOL.

I honestly have a lot of work to do today, but it is moments like these were I am so happy to share my life with him, through the ups & the downs, and I love that we are always laughing, even if its at our own expense.  In an effort to never forgot the heavy heart-ed laughter I am feeling, while completely alone in my office, I decided to share this with you <3.

 

 

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Is Your Mother Wise?

At a SUPER young age, I was taught, told or understood the value of telling my mom important details of my life. I guess, I truly believe she has my best interest, and there is no one one in the world who will love me, sacrifice their needs over mine, or genuinely pray for my happiness more than my mom.

I was talking to my friend Summar last night about how I am one of those kids who is an over sharer, and I told her, I guess it stemmed from my mom telling me this story of one of her sisters. One of my mom’s sisters has just had a tougher time than my mom, and my mom attributes it to her not being candid with my grandparents. My mom says, she could have been spared from tough moments that happened in her life had she just been candid with her parents and asked for advice.  My mom really holds my grandfather in high-esteem, and she trusted his judgment and truly believed the advice he would give would only be to help his child and that he would consider all of the facts (my grandfather was a small town attorney- so, I too believe that his advice would have been well reasoned).

After talking to my friend Summar,  I can definitely think of people in my life (and even my own mom) who sometimes had a biased view on things.  I listen to my mom and share a lot with her, but for some reason, I believe I have the ability to weed out the dumb stuff she says. For example, I have gained a few pounds after getting married, my sweet mother has told me on multiple occasions that this is a biological thing and it happens to women after they get married. LOLOLOLOL. Sorry, its so ridiculous that  I have to laugh. I am fairly sure she is being serious. I know that I’ve packed on a few pounds because I have been making HORRIBLE decisions food wise. I’m not mad or sad about it – my body is a product and reflection of my decisions.

Enough about my body & back to my mom. Okay, so then it occurred to me, I really wanted to write a piece on how I weigh my mom’s advice and how I decide to use it or ignore it.

  1.  Every decision I make is my own. Even if my mother provides guidance on something that I have solicited guidance on – I make sure to understand that I have to OWN the decision I make. If she provides me dumb advice and I take it, then it’s on me – it’s not on her. For example, before I got married I really wanted to buy this really beautiful diamond necklace it was 3 ctws and so beautiful. I consulted with my mother, who agreed it was a good idea, but LUCKILY when I went to place the order for it, they didn’t have it readily available and the next few days when I pondered the purchase – I realized it was a dumb idea. I do not need diamonds now, I needed to pay off my student loans.
  2.  When your parents provide unsolicited guidance, question the motive behind it. My mom wasn’t into my brother moving to NYC, but, nonetheless, he did. Her reason for holding him back was based off of her own fear of being lonely without him and she wasn’t really thinking about him, she was thinking about herself. Parents are human, and sometimes, you need to remember that like all humans, they will have their best interest in mind, and might not understand how your actions are serving YOUR best interest. Weighing the two interests is something you need to do on your own.
  3. When you parents try to meddle. Say “No”. I trust that my mom would never meddle. She provides me guidance, and, has never taken my personal battle with someone as her own personal battle. I used to really dislike it, especially when I would get into scuffles with siblings, cousins or a specific uncle, but, now as a young woman, I really value her decision not to do so. You know the saying, “Too many chefs in the kitchen, spoil the broth” I think problem solving is similar. It is okay to ask people to reflect on the issue with you and to hear different thoughts on it, but at the end of the day,  the issue you have with someone is between you and them and you do not need to drag in a third person, or have a third person speak for you, unless you are paying them and they are your attorney.
  4. Reflect on your parents lives. Do you view your parents as successful? Do you see them holding good and positive relationships in their lives? Are your parents happy? I have a feeling if they are happy  and if they are happy in their marriage & with their other relationships (friends and family) and are, in your opinion, living a good life – then you should trust their judgment for tough things and really give their opinion some extra weight when they tell you to not do things/ do things. They have done something right to maintain happy relationships with those they love, & the advice they give you will come from past experiences that obviously lead to a past positive result.

I am sure you know bad advice when you see it, but the above are just a few things to consider next time your mom, or anyone that is important to you, provides you guidance. I hope it is helpful and allows you to obtain some perspective.

Peace, love and happiness.

Poof. You Are An Adult. English is Their Second Language.

One of the toughest parts about getting older seems to be having to watch your parents become older. I am fortunate enough to have an incredibly close relationship with my parents and, simultaneously,  I have an incredibly unique relationship with my parents, since I have always considered myself their protector and interpreter of western culture.

My parents moved to this country from India. My dad got a head start by coming here in the late 70’s. Whereas my mom, finally came with my siblings around the late 80’s. Seeing as my dad went to school here and obtained a PhD and Masters, it only makes sense that he has mastered the language and western “culture” more than my mother. He has an accent, but not as strong as my mother, and he can communicate fluently [and apparently effectively, since he has obtained awesome opportunities throughout the years in his career].

My mother, she is a different story. To a certain extent, my mom didn’t need to master the language, she ran an ethnic story in the early 90’s (no language barriers there) and worked in some sort if I.T. testing division in the late 90’s and early 2000’s. She dabbled in day care before and after the I.T. position, but working with little kids did not necessarily require her to “learn” the language or the culture.

So now, my parents are getting older – whats the big deal? So growing up when it was just me and my mom running an errand, I would try to make sure the store clerk was talking to me, so that I could interpret the information over to my mom. I did this with simple things and more complicated things (like car issues or calling manufacturers in regards to warranties on home appliances), but I remember going to college and having this thought, “how will my mom communicate her needs effectively or understand third parties without me?” I gave my mom little or no credit, and I gave myself a LOT of credit. My mom did fine, she didn’t need me [as much as I had lead myself to believe]. I put this thought of her inability to communicate in my own head.

I remember coming home for Christmas break one year and intentionally being quiet at the store so I could witness the interaction. I thought the store clerk could have been kinder, but, I guess from his point of view my mom’s  tone when trying to speak English does not always come off as lovable, since she is more focused on trying to get the right words and conjugation out.

I created my own problem. I, like many of you, LOVE helping my parents! I love them – they are wonderful humans, who continue to do a lot for me and everyone else around them. So as an adult I see myself trying to revert to my old ways of simply doing things for them, but at the same time this is not as sustainable since I live in a different time zone, married and a young lawyer at a large firm [who by the way is studying for the Missouri Bar].

For example, the other day my mom wanted  me to send her the address of a salon near her, so I got off a call with my husband, while at Target running errands, Googled the salon and sent her the address. See the issue with this is that this is something she could have easily done, but I have reinforced her to believe that she cannot. So this morning, she told me the salon was closed [she said it in a way where it was closed forever]- I said why don’t you Google it again and try to give them another call. She hesitated, but with a little subtle encouragement she did it! She called them – made an appointment, now knows they are closed on Mondays, and even rescheduled her appointment after a second call!

This whole article was initially geared towards writing  about aging parents , but it ended up turning into an article about my mother– Happy Mother’s Day -I guess! I am amazed by how awesome she is, and I am learning to understand that our mother-daughter relationship needs to evolve and is evolving. We are both learning new things. I am learning to teach my mother how to catch fish, and she learning to not be afraid of catching the fish [broad -broad overstatement- since she does A LOT without me – but I like giving myself more credit sometimes].

 I am sure many of you struggle with these same scenarios and situations, and I would love to hear about how you handle things. Feel free to comment below – interested in your thoughts.

HI FRIENDS!

It has honestly been a minute since I last posted! I have a few important updates: I moved to Kansas City and I GOT MARRIED. Wild right?

I surprisingly really love Kansas City. I mean I will always be an ATLien, but Kansas City is one of those cities that is a hidden gem for the following reasons:

  1. It takes less than 30 minutes to get anywhere around town (more like 15-20 minutes – but saying thirty minutes since I had to drive across town to go to a girlfriend’s house and it took about 30 minutes).
  2. The rent prices are cheaper- ATL was about $300-$400 more for rent. Annual savings of about $4,800.00. Now who doesn’t like that??
  3. The food is yummy! The food in Atlanta is better simply because there are so many options, but for the limited options that are here, I would say KC isn’t doing that bad of a job.
  4. My husband is here 🙂

On that note, how did you meet your husband: I met the love of my life through a friend during the fall of 2015!  Something just clicked — I seemed to just enjoy talking to this guy for hours on end (and the whole time we were talking it felt like 15-20 mins, but then I’d look at the clock at it would read 1:00am). UMM WHERE DID THE TIME GO??? If you know me, I go to bed SUPER early, so this was different :).

The layers. I feel like getting to know him was like peeling an onion, so many layers, but each layer so awesome as the next. I couldn’t wait to tell friends and family members about him! He was awesome. Our families got involved and they took it from there.

It was EASY. Years from now when I tell my kids the story of how I met their father in more detail of course, I will tell them that being with him was EASY. I didn’t have to talk him into anything, change him, or wish I was different or he was different – I took him as he was and he did the same. I will tell them -we didn’t fight and each conversation and interaction was a loving one (granted we get into scuffles every now and but I can’t think of any “real” fights – THANK GOD).

Being married & what my relationship is like: It is great! I told my husband the other day, part of the problem of being so head over heels is that I cannot wait to come home to him and working big law means working big hours- LOL- I kid -my hours are not as bad as I thought they were going to be and this week especially as been awesome (hence the post).  Luckily, I married someone who supports me and my dreams, so he never complains or says anything about my hours. Rather, he encourages me take on more, wake up earlier and works by my side :).

Okay, I am writing all of this and he doesn’t even check my blog – since I put a DO NOT CHECK THIS SITE prohibition on him months ago, but if he does ever stop by I think he will be happy to see that I am happy to be his.

XOXO.

A Charitable Socialite

Mother Teresa’s Anyway Poem

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you’ve got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God;
It was never between you and them anyway.

I had a Sex in the City moment this afternoon, I was dropping off a random assort of chocolates to one of the homeless residents in downtown Atlanta. This quote often comes to mind, since I’ll never know what really happened to those goodies! All I know is – it was between God and me.

101 Posts!

I did it! I made it to a 101 posts (almost as cool as “101 Dalmatians” — a movie that I almost FORGOT). When I started this blog  my goal was to develop a blog which addressed questions of dressing professionally in graduate school, for interviews, networking events & work. Unfortunately, and fortunately, my blog took a turn for food. I guess  your true passions end up shining bright. I still love make up  and clothing (all things material) but I also love cooking and my relationship  with food.

I am sure you can think of a great meal you had with friends, a boyfriend, your husband, your parents, sister, brother, and enemy. You associate food with certain memories. For example, I was just thinking of ramadan and how I made a very dear friend of mine a chili ragu from scratch and we both ate it when the sun came down or when my mother came into town and we had Cafe Bombay with a dear friend of mine. I remember feeling excited and all jittery — the food was great and so was the company!

My former boss from the summer would always take me out to eat at the best places around town, and it’s something I cherish and value. Over lunch he would express to me thoughts on personal matters & work. We had the BEST burger at Bocado. I have since gone back 4 times and have gotten it each and every time. He taught me certain values for when I become a practicing attorney — like tell your clients upfront what situation they’re in, settle the case if it’s a bad case & play fair and square. Although basic principles, these are issues that can be over looked when hiding “simple texts” in discovery or when more money could be made by NOT settling.

Okay here are some events that occurred between post 1 to post 100:

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We had okay appetizers provided at  Emory for the Great Gatsby Casino Night!  Also for being okay, I definitely had 10 sliders!!!!! LOL My law school best friend is to my right!

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Seafood Bonanza!  I wanted to make my friends a special surprise dinner. We enjoyed this so much that after I finished my 2nd year of law school we had “Seafood Bonanza Part II” and it was great!!

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My boss gave me this recipe (which I posted here) I LOVED IT! As soon as I got home from work I started cooking away and were literally done within 20-30 mins!

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Nuevo Laredo: my favorite Mexican restaurant in ATL. The wait is always an experience & the food is always worth it!

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This awesome, AWESOME, BARA CHIRASHI BOWL at RA Sushi (I’ll be updating this with a full post about my experience there). Spoiler Alert: I LOVED IT — definitely go there for lunch!

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One of my friends took me to this awesome Chinese place in Sandy Springs! I LOVED IT! The food was so fresh, the atmosphere was nice. It was a great day. We went for Chinese food, and then had to literally jet over to the mall so I could pick up this cardigan that was on sale at Express and then we picked up Cinnabon. Such a fun evening!

Have a great day friends. Thanks for following me, supporting me and for reading my random banter. I appreciate each and every single one of you!

-Maheen